G.A. -- Allison Millea

Letter of Introduction (posted January 20)
AP Lange.

January 18, 2012

Well, first things first, my name is Grace Ansah, and I am a junior at Roosevelt High School. I have lived in Des Moines all of my life. After high school, I plan on attending Iowa State University to major in Architecture. On top of that, I want to become a Pediatrician, but that will have to be after Iowa State. I have 2 older brothers, Josh and Andre.
I love drawing, traveling, cooking, being with friends and family, playing instruments, and playing sports. I think I am simple-minded, but just like everyone else, I always have my moments. Drawing is something I have been doing since I was about 4 or 5. And all I have been drawing since then are houses. I have no idea why houses, architecture, and interior design became a huge part of my life, but I guess it is what it is! And if I am really good at it, then why not? Traveling is something I love, but being in Iowa doesn’t get you too far. The instruments that interest me are the guitar, bass guitar, the drums, and the piano. I’m currently learning the bass, piano, and the drums at the same time, which is pretty great. My favorite sports are soccer, basketball, and tennis.
Some of the activities I was involved with during high school include R-Club, speech and debate, Science Bound, Thespians, IHSSA, and a little bit of Art Club. I am also involved in an after school program at East High School called ACE which stands for Architecture, Construction, and Engineering, and I think it’s a great opportunity for me and it’s also really fun. Because of my busy schedule, I wasn’t able to continue in some of these activities, but very soon, with my schedule clearing up, I will be back to most of them. I have had a lot of accomplishments in life, some being personal, some being academically, and others were just through life itself. I have lettered in academics, for a career fair, my presentation was so well that the coordinators took it with them to Iowa State to have it set as an example for all of the students, and overall, I have been doing well in school.
This semester, I hope to gain more knowledge on different techniques of writing because I dislike writing with the same style over and over and over again. I like variety; I just want to change things up. I also want my writing to be more sophisticated, rather than conversational, for example. I want to be able to easily write an outstanding essay in any given amount of time, whether it’s 5 days or 40 minutes.

I think that some of my biggest challenges that I have faced through writing has been writing analytical essays. I had a difficult time doing so when I was a sophomore, but my teacher helped me each step of the way and before I knew it, I ended up writing a really great essay, and as a matter-of-fact, I think she still has it…
But I always fell into summarizing the novel and talking about events in the book rather than digging deeper into the text and gathering information, quotes, and everything else in order to tie it all together. Throughout the years, I have showed a tremendous growth through my writing and I want to keep growing and keep getting it to be the best that it can be.

January 20, 2012

Hello Grace!

As you have probably figured out, my name is Allison Millea and I am a Drake student. I'm a junior English and Secondary Education double major hoping to teach High School English at some point in the near future. I am originally from Rosemount, MN, a suburb just south of the Twin Cities, but I have family in Des Moines and frequented the Des Moines area throughout my entire k-12 years. I also have two older brothers, Johnny and Joe. Johnny lives in Chicago as an Engineer and Joe is currently working on his doctorate in Music with an emphasis on percussion at ASU.

One of my favorite activities to do is read, but my reading for fun list keeps growing while my time allotted for reading keeps shrinking, (thanks, Drake professors.) I recently bought 3 David Sedaris books and "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo," but have no time to read them even though the semester just started. So it goes. This year after moving out of the dorms and into my own apartment, I have fallen madly in love with cooking and wish I hard a larger grocery budget so I could cook fancier meals, but I can deal. In high school, I played the clarinet in wind ensemble, clarinet choir and marching band and sometimes I miss the instrumental part of my life. I also love traveling! I wish I could do much more of it than the drive between Minnesota and Iowa. The most exciting trip I've been on was to Ireland when I was in 9th grade with my entire extended family which was a wonderful way to learn about my heritage and bond with my 14 cousins. This coming May I am going on a three week study abroad trip to Egypt! I am positively giddy with excitement! My roommate, Meg is also going which will be a wonderful experience.

The main activity I am involved in at Drake is Alpha Phi Omega, a community service fraternity. There are over 160 lovely young men and women involved in APO at Drake and it is in my eyes the perfect organization. Shameless plug: I would encourage you to join APO at Iowa State, I've met their chapter and they are just great people. We have a requirement of doing 15 service hours per semester, but almost everyone goes well over that. Last semester I did over 30 hours.

I'd like to consider myself a pretty decent writer, but like everyone else I need to edit, adjust, restructure and rewrite many papers. I am excited for this semester and working with you, because as an English Teacher, I'm guessing I should have the proper skills to help with writing. I hope this will be a wonderful experience for you, I promise I'm nice! I've done some student teaching/observing at Roosevelt before and since you're in the Thesbian society, I'm assuming you know Lori Glawe. I worked with her my first year at Drake and had a great time.

I hope to help you improve your writing, and I hope that you can help me improve my teaching skills :)

Allison


Personal Reflection on Topic of Inquiry(posted RHS January 27 -- 171 January 29)
Grab a box of pop-tarts. Turn it to where you can see the nutritional information. What do you see? Are you shocked to know that just one pop-tart contains a whopping 200 calories or more? Yet, they put 2 pop-tarts into one package. That means everything including fat, calories, or sugar is doubled. Now look down further to where you can see the list of ingredients. What's the first ingredient? Is it sugar, enriched flour, or even high fructose corn syrup? Keep looking. Notice: there is a high possibility that there are over 30+ ingredients in one single pop-tart, most of which, you have probably never heard of in your life. Pretty insane. Nice introduction! Very gripping and makes me happy that I'm too cheap to buy pop-tarts, haha.
When I think of something that affects the way we live, I automatically think of America as a whole and what America has done and is doing to our people. I think of the FDA, or the Food and Drug Administration, and why they still to this day allow certain things to happen. I'm not sure why, but it is something that has been quite bothersome to me for a while. One day, I decided to look on the side of a product for nutritional information along with the ingredients, and ever since then, I have been intrigued on how America is feeding its people. Why does it bother you so much? I know you say you're not sure, but go into that and develop why it is so horrifying to you. What made you want to know what goes into our food?
Since the 1970s, portion sizes in foods have doubled, even tripled, and nowadays, everything, from ketchup to even "whole wheat" bread has its infamous dose of High Fructose Corn Syrup and other ingredients that you do not understand, do not know how to pronounce, or a single ingredient has a minimum of 12 syllables. Why do you think portions are so out of hand?
I never knew that I would be so interested, so fascinated about how the world, especially America, has changed. Did something happen to make you so interested? A personal anecdote might be appropriate about your interest in the food industry. Every day, there are advertisements and shows on air that have to do with products that will make you "lose weight fast" and how "fat" America is. According to studies and research and all that jazz, a whole 2/3 of America is overweight or obese. Yes, everyone is different, no body is similar to another body, and it ties in with genetics, but the major contribution to this issue is what America is feeding its citizens. Food companies have a sneaky way of getting junk food into your hands. Notice that when you go to a grocery store, dairy products such as milk, eggs, and yogurt are usually stored in the very back. But the sugary candies, unhealthy cereals, and anything else that is just not good for you is always stored in the front of the grocery store. Furthermore, sugary cereals are always placed at eye-level--to capture your attention--and the much more healthy foods are stashed away at the bottom, because, you know, healthy stuff is usually gross or isn't important. That's just how it works here in the great States.Why? Is there hope for change? What would you do to help the health of Americans?
Focusing on food products, studies show that any food company can put "All Natural" on their products, even when it is not natural because the FDA has no regulation against it. Shouldn't they? Why does the FDA not regulate blatant lies? Food companies can also plaster "heart healthy" in big bold letters, but there is no specific rule against doing so, according to the FDA. So even though that "All Natural" fruity beverage that you are enjoying may seem innocent and healthy, it could be the equivalent to 3 cans of Mountain Dew. That's terrifying. Trans-fat, a type of fat that is horrible for the heart, used to lurk in many products and restaurants. Since 2007, restaurants have been forced to ban it completely. But of course, Trans-fat is still on the loose and typically found in pastries and desserts. The Pillsbury brand deserves a big fat F for still including it in about 99% of its products. Food companies continue to do wicked by masking Trans-fat and calling it Partially Hydrogenated soybean oil, and anything else that accompanies the phrase, "partially hydrogenated." On top of that, the FDA allows food companies that have less than 0.5 grams of Trans-fat to go ahead and put 0 grams Trans-fat on the product's nutritional information. Why is everything so relaxed from the FDA? Why are they not doing their job to the full potential? What lets this happen?
Each and every day, I am still amazed and shocked at what I can find on a simple food item. Each and every day when I go to Yahoo.com to check up on updates and email, there are always articles that have to do with every day things, such as "Top 10 Foods That Are Making You Fat" or "The Healthiest Foods in the Supermarket." I even found out that Saccharin, an ingredient in Sweet and Low sweeteners, have been linked to things such as rats and also different types of cancers. As the never-ending buzz goes on about what is healthy and what is not, I sit and think to myself. If America is so "fat", why are big name food companies and restaurants allowed to do such things and put so many unknown ingredients in food that in the end contribute to the people's waistlines? Why do you think?

Grace,

What a horrifying piece! I'm now going through my kitchen to find anything with "partially hydrogenated soybean oil" in it and throwing it out from fear. I really enjoy your writing, I can hear your voice coming through (even though I've never actually met you.) I would recommend giving your thoughts and ideas as to why the food production industry allows all these terrible ingredients to be placed in the food we feed our children. Can you explain why America's food consumption has gotten so out of hand? Add more of you into this to bring life to the terror. This is a great scientific piece, but I'm missing your heart! Why are you so passionate about this? What can we as Americans do to fix it? How can we make the FDA more accountable for what they approve? Overall, a wonderful piece and I am absolutely pumped to keep working with you this semester!

Sincerely,
Allison

PS. Is this style of commentary alright with you? It seems easier to me to make some comments throughout the piece while I'm reading and then a summary of my thoughts at the end. If you would prefer something else, let me know!

Rough Draft Definition (posted RHS February 3 -- 171 February 5)

Control has been a main factor in many people’s lives. That's a fairly vague statement. No matter who they may be or where they may come from, control has its way of somehow integrating itself into the lives of many human beings. Ever since the beginning of time, people of all races, religions, or even beliefs have been controlled in one way or another. The use and abuse of control has affected the world’s history and has led to a numerous amount of tragedies and events, such as The Holocaust, slavery, and the Civil Rights Movement. Control is the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events. Control is the key to manipulation; the key to superiority. Yet, control disguises itself in different shapes and forms--both physically and mentally. Very intriguing as an introduction! I might consider adding a specific story of control whether it be about the events you mentioned or something personal in your life manifesting control.

Physical and mind control are among the most common. Both characteristics are tied to the use of manipulation. Once one has that ‘upper hand’ over another, that person can do whatever it takes to continue to be superior. It is sort of like blackmail. Is it sort of like blackmail? Or is it blackmail? One knows something bad about another person and has the advantage of manipulating that person in order to keep the secret quiet. Physical and mental control demolishes a human and paves the way for a struggle in life. But the question is: Can it ever be put to a stop? Again, an example of physical and mental control would be beneficial here.

The most frightening thing about control is how it disguises itself. The Food and Drug Administration, for example. Although most might not cease to think about it, the FDA has the final say in what foods go out to the public. Another frightening aspect about the FDA is how the administrators abuse their power and allow for ingredients and preservatives, such as Trans-fat, partially hydrogenated cottonseed oil, or high fructose corn syrup. The FDA has the power to allow multiple food companies to produce whatever food with any number of insane ingredients and any number of preservatives. With that power over the nation, there comes a sense of superiority. And with that superiority, there comes control. Good!

No matter the circumstance, control will constantly be placed in one’s life, whether he or she notices it or not; whether he or she likes it or not. Even though control may have its benefits, it continually leads to the worst. Is control always a bad thing? Command and dominance constantly gives one an upper hand and a feeling that he or she can do as they please. Control can simply be a command from another. It can easily be one saying something over and over again to another person. But allowing a command to surpass or believing what one is saying, propaganda, is not simple and is not easy, due to the fact of what it can lead to. This conclusion is a bit confusing and wordy. I think what you're trying to say is that control comes in many forms and it is sometimes difficult to find where the control is coming from. I would recommend coming up with a succinct definition of "control" in your opinion and ending with that.

Grace,

Well done. You clearly define what control is in the beginning and how it can affect people or groups. I would like to see more in depth examples to fit your definition of "control." A controlling situation like the Holocaust would be a very jarring introduction and would work well in conjunction with your FDA focus. The two types of control are so different, but hurt many people whether it be relatives of Jewish people in the death camps, or a modern American family sitting down to dinner.

How does control affect you as a high school student? How does it affect your family, your beliefs, your dreams, etc. All of these aspects could add to the definition of "control."

Thanks,
Allison

Term: Control
Class: Actions produced by superior forces
Characteristics: Has led to tragedies; major events.
Negation: "Superior", "Authority"
Misconceptions: Those that have control always abuse their power
Exigence: The term affects people's lives.

Thank you for your feedback! And no, I don't mind if you add stuff to my pieces of writing. Below is a list of what I will incorporate to the revision of this essay:

1. Parental views on raising children; discipline
2. Dictionary.com definition
3. Authority's view on the term
4. In depth focus on real life events
5. Personal view on how control can be beneficial

Revision Definition (posted RHS February 10 -- 171 February 12 )
Control has been a main factor in many people’s lives. No matter who they may be or where they may come from, control has its way of somehow integrating itself into the lives of many human beings. Ever since the beginning of time, people of all races, religions, or even beliefs have been controlled in one way or another. The use and abuse of control has affected the world’s history and has led to a numerous amount of tragedies and events, such as The Holocaust and slavery. Based on thefreedictionary.com, control is to exercise authoritative or dominating influence over or direct. It is the key to manipulation; a source to superiority. Yet, control disguises itself in different shapes and forms--both physically and mentally.

Physical and mind control are among the most common. Both characteristics are tied to the use of manipulation. Once one has that ‘upper hand’ over another, that person can do whatever it takes to continue to be superior. It is very similar to blackmail. One knows something bad about another person and has the advantage of manipulating that person in order to keep the secret quiet. During the Holocaust, many human beings were commanded to complete horrendous duties. What horrendous duties? Millions of innocent people were killed for their religions. Those people had no say in what they could or could not do, but because of the consequences that lay ahead, each of their lives had absolutely rested in the palms of the authority. Along with the Holocaust, slaves were forced to do numerous tasks given by their masters. What tasks? Also slavery is a broad term, I'm assuming you're talking about slavery in the United States, but you could be talking about slavery in Egypt, etc. Be specific in this paragraph, if what they had to do was so horrific, then tell the reader what it is they had to do. If ignored or refused, their lives became at risk as well as there being a high possibility of either being brutally beaten or sold, separated from their own family. Physical and mental control demolishes a human and paves the way for a struggle in life. But the question is: Can it ever be put to a stop?

The most frightening thing about control is how it disguises itself. The Food and Drug Administration, for example. Although most might not cease to think about it, the FDA has the final say in what foods go out to the public. Another frightening aspect about the FDA is how the administrators abuse their power and allow for ingredients and preservatives, such as Trans-fat, partially hydrogenated cottonseed oil, or high fructose corn syrup, ingredients that lead to cardiovascular diseases, high blood pressure, and diabetes. The FDA has the power to allow multiple food companies to produce whatever food with any number of insane ingredients and any number of preservatives. With that power over the nation, there comes a sense of superiority. And with that superiority, there comes control. Good! This is much more specific and powerful.

Although control has been looked at as something horrendous, it also comes with a few beneficial factors. According to parental views What parental views are these? Yours? A definition? on control, “Discipline is good for children because it teaches them and helps them to respect and understand their role of being children. I believe in discipline more than punishment. Punishment is torture, like spanking a child. When you spank a child, you are teaching the child to do the same thing. I do not believe in spanking, I believe in discipline. Discipline is taking a privilege from the child and helping them to understand the real world.” What is this quote from? Controlling children and adolescents in a positive way will promote a better future, from generation to generation. Authorities What authorities? also have their views on control: “I don’t abuse my power that I have over my business. To have a successful business, you have the power to control things that will help you build your business in a successful way. Not to misuse it.” The role of control being beneficial is acting in a positive manner and teaching others moral values. I'm interested in this comparison between parental control and business control. Running a family is similar to running a business. Keep this comparison going and give more examples to back it up. I like it.

No matter the circumstance, control will constantly be placed in one’s life, whether he or she notices it or not; whether he or she admires it or not. Even though control has its benefits, it continually leads to the worst. Like what? What are the benefits? What is the "worst" that can happen? Control is personally defined as the power to direct the behaviors of others in either case of being advantageous or dreadful. Awesome definition! It really encompasses what you've talked about in this paper so far. By the reason of its abuse, control has been looked at as short of beneficial and additionally deplorable.

Grace,

I really appreciate the extended specificity from the last paper, but I want you to go even further. Talk about the personal side of the horrors people in the holocaust and slavery have gone through. Show the reader how they felt being controlled in such a terrifying way. I'm still missing how control affects people. You say it affects them, but you don't say how. To boost your argument, you might consider writing about a war veteran dealing with PTSD and how the control of war has affected him/her well after the war ended. This could also boost your examples of the Holocaust and Slavery as both were involved in wars. Your FDA section is coming along nicely.

Allison

Final Definition (posted RHS February 17 -- 171 February 19 )
Grace,

Sorry about the response delay. I just emailed my professor in saying that I did respond on Thursday after you originally posted, but obviously it didn't save. Luckily, I saved my comments in a word document and am now responding.

Control has been a main factor in many people’s lives. No matter who they may be or where they may come from, control has its way of somehow integrating itself into the lives of many human beings. Ever since the beginning of time, people of all races, religions, or even beliefs have been controlled in one way or another. The use and abuse of control has affected the world’s history and has led to a numerous amount of tragedies and events, such as The Holocaust during World War II and slavery in the United States. Based on thefreedictionary.com, control is to exercise authoritative or dominating influence over or direct. It is the key to manipulation; a source to superiority. Yet, control disguises itself in different shapes and forms--both physically and mentally. This is a solid introduction because you give an overview of control, give overviews of examples of control, and a commonly recognized definition of the word. For future assignments, it might be interestingto have this be your second paragraph and start with an in depth example/story involving your topic as a way to grab the attention of your readers.

Physical and mental control are among the most common. Both characteristics are tied to the use of manipulation. Once one has that ‘upper hand’ over another, that person can do whatever it takes to continue to be superior. It is very similar to blackmail. One knows something bad about another person and has the advantage of manipulating that person in order to keep the secret quiet. During the Holocaust, millions of innocent people were killed for their religion; for what they believed in. Day after day, people were forced to be put to work but were fed very little. At random, prisoners were taken to gas chambers to meet their death. They were put through utmost difficulties in order for the guards, overseers, and Nazi soldiers see who stayed the healthiest the longest. It was survival of the fittest. Those that steered clear of the diseases, such as typhus and scabies, that crept into their lives each and every day could simply live longer, even if it was not that long. “The Nazis victimized some people for what they did, some for what they refused to do, some for what they were, and some for the fact that they were.” (John Conway, Holocaust survivor;worldwar02.com) Prisoners had no say in what they could or could not do, but because of the consequences that lay ahead, each of their lives had absolutely rested in the palms of the authority. This example really shows how control affected the prisoners of concentration camps. The quote was a really nice addition because it gave your example a more personal level. Along with the Holocaust, slaves in the United States during the 1800s were forced to do a numerous amount of tasks given by their masters. Slaves were forced to perform duties inside of the plantation owner’s home along with picking cotton out in the fields in high temperature weather. Although slaves were supposed to be brought to the United States to temporarily do some work and then be freed, the Southern part of America became interested in crops like rice, tobacco, and cotton and it resulted in a higher demand of more slaves that could withstand long work days and contemporary diseases. Hour after hour, back-breaking and sweltering, slaves had to do what they were ordered. If ignored or refused, their lives became at risk as well as there being a high possibility of either being brutally beaten or sold. Physical and mental control demolishes a human and paves the way for a struggle in life. But the question is: Can it ever be put to a stop? When asking a question like this, make sure to answer it in the rest of your paper and make it clear that you are answering it.

The most frightening thing about control is how it disguises itself. The Food and Drug Administration, for example. Although most might not cease to think about it, the FDA has the final say in what foods go out to the public. Another frightening aspect about the FDA is how the administrators abuse their power and allow for ingredients and preservatives, such as Trans-fat, partially hydrogenated oils, or high fructose corn syrup, ingredients that lead to cardiovascular diseases, high blood pressure, and diabetes. The FDA has the power to allow multiple food companies to produce whatever food with any number of insane ingredients and any number of preservatives. With that power over the nation, there comes a sense of superiority. And with that superiority, there comes control.

Although control has been looked at as something horrendous, it also comes with a few beneficial factors. According to my mother’s view on control, “Discipline is good for children because it teaches them and helps them to respect and understand their role of being children. I believe in discipline more than punishment. Punishment is torture, like spanking a child. When you spank a child, you are teaching the child to do the same thing. I do not believe in spanking, I believe in discipline. Discipline is taking a privilege from the child and helping them to understand the real world.” Controlling children and adolescents in a positive way will promote a better future, from generation to generation. From the point of view of being in charge of her business, my mother explains her role as the controller: “I don’t abuse my power that I have over my business. To have a successful business, you have the power to control things that will help you build your business in a successful way. Not to misuse it.” In most cases, those who have power over their businesses and employees have the access to do what is beneficial to ensure for a successful and progressive business. Parents have the almighty power to teach and set a good example for their children which, in the end, will pave the way for the children of the future. Once taught the right way, children will see what works best and when they become old enough, they will know what to do when it comes to raising a child. The role of control being beneficial is acting in a positive manner and teaching others moral values. I'm glad you told me who said these quotes. The fact that it comes from your mother gives your paper a much more personal level. It shows that you are not only the author of this paper, but you have a mother with firm beliefs on how a parent should control a child. I also appreciate the stronger connection between child rearing and running a business. You strengthened your argument by comparing two types of control and showed how they are similar.

No matter the circumstance, control will constantly be placed in one’s life, whether he or she notices it or not; whether he or she admires it or not. Even though control has its benefits, such as raising and teaching children their moral values, it continually leads to the worst. It continues to demolish humanity. “The Holocaust is not only a tragedy of the Jewish people, it is a failure of humanity as a whole.”
- Moshe Katsav, Israeli President
Control is personally defined as the power to direct the behaviors of others in either case of being advantageous or dreadful. By the reason of its abuse, control has been looked at as short of beneficial and additionally deplorable.

Grace,
Thank you for responding so thoroughly to my comments and adding more material where you saw fit. If there are other places where you think you need more explanation in future papers, do not hesitate to ask me for help.

Allison

Thank you for helping revise it! And sorry I wasn't able to make it to the last Drake trip. No one told me about it and it was announced when I was at ISU for a college visit. So is the Final Draft a better improvement from the rough draft and revision? And on a scale from 1-10, 1 being tremendously horrible and 10 being the best of the best, how much would you rate it? Also, how much would you rate my Rough Draft on the same scale? Thanks!

No problem for not making the last trip to Drake. The final draft is certainly an improvement from the originals! I don't think I can rate it on a scale of 1-10, but it is obvious you worked incredibly hard on strengthening your examples and providing support for your argument.

Reflection #1 (posted RHS February 20 -- 171 February 22)
I really liked the progression of this entire assignment. I especially enjoyed the topic of inquiry. Getting to finally express my feelings and talk about things that are not only important and beneficial to me, but to others, is something that I loved doing. Another reason why I loved doing the Topic of Inquiry was because it gave me the chance to discuss a topic that I know and believe in. Lastly, because I personally like the informal way of writing and it is easy for me to write about something that comes from the heart, rather than analyzing a novel that has been forced upon me to read. I believe that it really helped to start out with the Topic of Inquiry, then move on to the Rough Draft, do the Revision, and finally the Final Draft. It gave me the chance to see how I developed as a writer and to also gradually improve as a writer. I really appreciated the fact that my Drake partner went through and added in the things I should add, explain more, or take out. When I wrote the rough draft, it sounded really good to me, as well as writing the revision paper. But then, when my Drake partner went in and commented on the things I needed, didn't need, or to be more specific, I was able to find out how my writing is seen through a different perspective. I noticed how strong my Final Draft was and how much more detailed it became. It is surprising to me to see how much growth and progression has occurred in just a short period of time.

It's good to get in the habit of writing rough drafts, revisions etc for all papers. I know I would benefit in more of my classes if I habitually wrote and revised my papers before turning them in. Glad I could be of help!

Rough Draft Comparison (posted RHS February 24 -- 171 February 26 )
Throughout the world’s history, control has been associated into the lives of many. Who? Is anyone free of control? Although control will have its benefits and negatives, control has been consistently looked at as atrocious. Who views it as atrocious? Freedom has also played a role in the world’s history, especially how beneficially affects its people. During the Holocaust, millions of innocent lives were taken away due to the factors of control. Control is produced through superiority and manipulation. Along with the Holocaust, there was also slavery in the United States. The high demand for slaves being shipped from Africa to Southern America meant a higher strain on the slaves and ultimately, additional physical and mental control. Once prisoners and slaves were set free in both 1945 and 1865, their new found freedom gave them a new lease on life. Freedom gave them the chance to explore the world and learn new things. Control gave them the chance to be afraid of any sudden movement made. Because of its effects, control leads to fear and freedom ensures happiness. This is a good introduction because you introduce your topic, give clear examples with the Holocaust and Slavery and the united States versus how freedom affected them. After reading your introduction I can be certain you will compare the effects of Control vs Freedom.

Control is to exercise authoritative or dominating influence over or direct (thefreedictionary.com). Consider looking at several definitions from different sources and choosing one to support your topic in the fullest way. Through superiority, opportunities, fear, and manipulation, control has its way of getting ahold of lives, whether it is one or over one million. Superiority often originates or relates to many things, such as age, appearance, title, or even socioeconomic status. Growing up, there is always that one bully in elementary school that is bigger and older than another person. That bully automatically believes that they can perform whatever action that they please to do because of age and appearance. A high paid doctor will automatically look down on a person who is a minimum wage paid mechanic. That is a heavy claim on doctors by comparing them to bullies. These actions are nothing new. It originates from the mentality of today’s society. What causes our society to think this way? When one has the opportunity to take charge of something or someone, he or she will most likely abuse their power because of the desire to maintain it. If Adolf Hitler never had the opportunity to brainwash human minds, there would never have been a Holocaust and those belonging to the Jewish religion would have kept their faiths. What gave Hitler the opportunity to control those around him? Fear is a type of emotion that can evoke evil. Why does fear evoke evil? In the novel, Native Son, the main character, Bigger, committed crimes because of his fear of being captured. What crimes? While committing these crimes, Bigger had a sense of superiority and desire to act how he pleased based on the fact that he did not get caught at first. Not getting caught linked him to continue to do as he wished. Finally, manipulation is brought out through intimidation. Once one sees that someone else is insubstantial, he or she will immediately use manipulation to the best of their ability to gain that sense of control. Consider either spending more time discussing Native Son, or cut it out. Right now the information is too short to support your argument, but could be a really great example in this comparison paper.


Freedom is the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint; the exemption from external control, interference, or regulation; the power to determine action without restraint (dictionary.reference.com).With freedom, there is happiness, strength, determination, and additional love. When one is free, free from adversity, free from restraint, a mind that was once filled with fear and grief becomes clear and worry-free. There's no fear of being controlled again? In April of 1945, the year that prisoners in death and concentration camps during the Holocaust were set free, many of them did not take advantage of their new found freedom. “We must ever be thankful [for our freedom]. We must NEVER take freedom for granted.” William Gast, 743rd Tank Battalion. As a result of the liberation of 1945, many of the prisoners were thankful for the way things turned out with Hitler’s death and the end of the war and they knew that with their newly found freedom, their lives would instantly become invigorated and happy. Freedom gives people the strength to get ahead in life. As opposed to control, with freedom, one has the ability to do as they please in order to make an influence in not only their own lives, but the lives revolving around them. Is sharing your freedom with others and having an influence another aspect of control? Each slave in the United States and around the world and each prisoner in every death and concentration camp had no say in what they wanted to make of themselves and their lives. Their fate rested in the hands of authority. With the liberation of camps and freeing of slaves, those prisoners and slaves had a new found glory in order to get ahead and make decisions of their own. Determination is also linked to strength as a result of the desire to finally be an individual who can work, communicate, and stand up for themselves. “The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage.” (Thucydides, ancient Greek historians) If it weren’t for determination of slaves, blacks in the United States would not have equal rights. Freedom which is linked to happiness that is linked to strength and determination is finally linked to additional love. It is not that prisoners and slaves did not have love, but being caged up for so long under the authority and finally being free, like a bird finally released from its cage, made them appreciate the people, places, and things all around them and also taught them to stay grounded and stay thankful for all that they had. Freedom is like a brand new spring day after a long Iowa winter. Once one hears the birds chirping and the warm wind blowing amongst their face, the mind clears up and happiness is brought about.

Control is the mother of all evil, superiority, manipulation, hate, and adversity. Through each of these factors, control ultimately oversees them all. Because of the fear of consequences, evil opportunities available, ability to have the upper hand over one and manipulation in order to gain that upper hand, control is the root of sorrow. Freedom is like a young teenager being able to drive for the first time. It is a sense of independence, being able to rely on oneself than on others. The ability to think for oneself and to act for oneself not only insures independence, but it concludes in a positive behavior towards themselves and others—also known as happiness. Are there no examples you can think of where control is good and freedom is bad? That might be an interesting angle to add to your paper.

Grace,
Well done. This draft is a great start by being specific and offering examples through the holocaust and slavery. Some more examples on freedom might be beneficial. You do a great job of explaining how freedom feels (Once one hears the birds chirping and the warm wind blowing amongst their face, the mind clears up and happiness is brought about.) maybe try explaining how control feels in the same way. I want you to focus on getting your examples even more specific, adding more quotes to support your comparisons and making sure that everything you have in your paper is essential to your argument. Thanks!
Revision Comparison (posted RHS March 2 -- 171 March 4)

Grace, since Bob is also commenting on your writing, we will just have the distinction that my comments are black bold and his are blue.

Throughout the world's history, control has been associated into the lives of many. Although control will have its benefits and negatives, control has been consistently looked at as atrocious, based on what comes to the mind when one hears the term. What comes to mind? Freedom has also played a role in the world's history, especially how beneficially affects its people. During the Holocaust, millions of innocent lives were taken away due to the factors of control. Control is produced through superiority and manipulation. Along with the Holocaust, there was also slavery in the United States. The high demand for slaves being shipped from Africa to Southern America meant a higher strain on the slaves and ultimately, additional physical and mental control. Once prisoners and slaves were set free in both 1945 and 1865, their new found freedom gave them a new lease on life. Freedom gave them the chance to explore the world and learn new things. Control gave them the chance to be afraid of any sudden movement made. Because of its effects, control leads to fear and freedom ensures happiness.

Control is to exercise authoritative or dominating influence over or direct (thefreedictionary.com). Control can also be defined as to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command (dictionary.reference.com). Through superiority, opportunities, fear, and manipulation, control has its way of getting ahold of lives, whether it is one or over one million. Control can be viewed as something positive or negative. It is positive in a way of raising children and directing them in the right path for the future and negative in a way of using it to destroy others. Superiority is having an upper hand over one. Superiority often originates or relates to many things, such as age, appearance, title, or even socioeconomic status. Growing up, there is always that one bully in elementary school that is bigger and older than another person. That bully automatically believes that they can perform whatever action that they please to do because of age and appearance. A person with a high income and a white collar job will most likely look down on a person who is a minimum wage paid mechanic. These actions are nothing new. It originates from the mentality of today's society. In today's society, having money means having power. There's no denying money constitutes power, but is there no honor in not making enough money? What about teachers? They don't get paid enough and most people consider their job honorable. The idea of riches has taken its toll over the minds of billions of people, whether they are in the modern, technology advanced United States, or a rural country. You could make this a new paragraph, just to break up this large one. -->When one has the opportunity to take charge of something or someone, he or she will most likely abuse their power because of the desire to maintain it. If Adolf Hitler never had the opportunity to brainwash human minds, there would never have been a Holocaust and those belonging to the Jewish religion would have kept their faiths. Fear is a type of emotion that can evoke evil. When one is fearful of a situation, he or she will do whatever it takes to flee from their adversity. One will encounter many life changing experiences out of fear that will bring out the danger inside of them. In the novel, Native Son, the main character, Bigger, committed crimes because of his fear of being captured. Out of fear, he accidentally murdered a wealthy white woman. Because of her socioeconomic status, family history, and most of all, race, his fear of her parents catching him provoked him to burn her in a fiery furnace in order to get rid of the evidence. While committing these crimes, Bigger had a sense of superiority and desire to act how he pleased based on the fact that he did not get caught and most importantly because he, a poor black man in the south side of Chicago during the times of racism, riots, and discrimination, had murdered a rich white woman. Not getting caught linked him to continue to do as he wished. Finally, manipulation is brought out through intimidation. Once one sees that someone else is insubstantial, he or she will immediately use manipulation to the best of their ability to gain that sense of control.

Freedom is the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint; the exemption from external control, interference, or regulation; the power to determine action without restraint (dictionary.reference.com).With freedom, there is happiness, strength, determination, and additional love. But freedom can also be dreadful. Freedom always one to do whatever they please and doing so relates back to the topic of adults raising their children with the use of control.I'm not sure what you're trying to say in this sentence. Check it out. Allowing a child freedom grants them the wish to hang out with whomever they want and in the end, releasing children and teens out into the real world without any discipline or necessary control, this type of freedom can lead to arrests, pregnancies, or even death at young ages. Those are the most extreme cases, the exception rather than the rule. When one is free, free from adversity, free from restraint, a mind that was once filled with fear and grief becomes clear and worry-free. Of course, there will always be that little thought in one's mind, wondering if their God given right will remain. In April of 1945, the year that prisoners in death and concentration camps during the Holocaust were set free, many of them did not take advantage of their new found freedom. “We must ever be thankful [for our freedom]. We must NEVER take freedom for granted.” William Gast, 743rd Tank Battalion. As a result of the liberation of 1945, many of the prisoners were thankful for the way things turned out with Hitler's death and the end of the war and they knew that with their newly found freedom, their lives would instantly become invigorated and happy. Freedom gives people the strength to get ahead in life. As opposed to control, with freedom, one has the ability to do as they please in order to make a positive influence in their life. Each slave in the United States and around the world and each prisoner in every death and concentration camp had no say in what they wanted to make of themselves and their lives. Their fate rested in the hands of authority. With the liberation of camps and freeing of slaves, those prisoners and slaves had a new found glory in order to get ahead and make decisions of their own. Determination is also linked to strength as a result of the desire to finally be an individual who can work, communicate, and stand up for themselves. “The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage.” (Thucydides, ancient Greek historians) If it weren't for determination of slaves, blacks in the United States would not have equal rights. Freedom which is linked to happiness that is linked to strength and determination is finally linked to additional love. It is not that prisoners and slaves did not have love, but being caged up for so long under the authority and finally being free, like a bird finally released from its cage, made them appreciate the people, places, and things all around them and also taught them to stay grounded and stay thankful for all that they had. Freedom is like a brand new spring day after a long Iowa winter. Once one hears the birds chirping and the warm wind blowing amongst their face, the mind clears up and happiness is brought about. I like the quotes!

Control is the mother of all evil, superiority, manipulation, hate, and adversity. Through each of these factors, control ultimately oversees them all. Because of the fear of consequences, evil opportunities available, ability to have the upper hand over one and manipulation in order to gain that upper hand, control is the root of sorrow. Freedom is like a young teenager being able to drive for the first time. It is a sense of independence, being able to rely on oneself than on others. The ability to think for oneself and to act for oneself not only insures independence, but it concludes in a positive behavior towards themselves and others--also known as happiness.

Hey Grace,

Your comparison is going great! I can clearly see your definitions of freedom and control. I would suggest breaking up your paragraphs into smaller ones. They are chock full of information and could be broken down to make reading a little smoother.

Hi Grace,

My name is Bob Tyler, and, as I believe you have already discussed with Petra, I am going to be responding to your work as well. I'm a grad student at Drake, a future high school teacher, and a Roosevelt alumni as well. I've spent a lot of time in high school classrooms (last year at Roosevelt and this year at East) working with students on developing their reading and writing skills. I hope my background can be of some use to you. Thank you for agreeing to work with me.


Throughout the world's history, control has been associated into the lives of many. Although control will have its benefits and negatives, control has been consistently looked at as atrocious, based on what comes to the mind when one hears the term. Freedom has also played a role in the world's history, especially how beneficially affects its people. During the Holocaust, millions of innocent lives were taken away due to the factors of control. Control is produced through superiority and manipulation. Along with the Holocaust, there was also slavery in the United States. The high demand for slaves being shipped from Africa to Southern America meant a higher strain on the slaves and ultimately, additional physical and mental control. Once prisoners and slaves were set free in both 1945 and 1865, their new found freedom gave them a new lease on life. Freedom gave them the chance to explore the world and learn new things. Control gave them the chance to be afraid of any sudden movement made. Because of its effects, control leads to fear and freedom ensures happiness. I appreciate your carefully description of "control" and the specific negative examples. Might you include a similar description of "freedom" here? Also, is being "set free" the same thing as "freedom". And, does "freedom ensure happiness" always?

Control is to exercise authoritative or dominating influence over or direct (thefreedictionary.com). Control can also be defined as to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command (dictionary.reference.com). Through superiority, opportunities, fear, and manipulation, control has its way of getting ahold of lives, whether it is one or over one million. Control can be viewed as something positive or negative. It is positive in a way of raising children and directing them in the right path for the future and negative in a way of using it to destroy others. Superiority is having an upper hand over one. Superiority often originates or relates to many things, such as age, appearance, title, or even socioeconomic status. Growing up, there is always that one bully in elementary school that is bigger and older than another person. That bully automatically believes that they can perform whatever action that they please to do because of age and appearance. A person with a high income and a white collar job will most likely look down on a person who is a minimum wage paid mechanic. I am reading this as "almost all rich people think they are better than poor people". Is this your intended message? These actions are nothing new. It originates from the mentality of today's society. In today's society, having money means having power. The idea of riches has taken its toll over the minds of billions of people, whether they are in the modern, technology advanced United States, or a rural country. When one has the opportunity to take charge of something or someone, he or she will most likely abuse their power because of the desire to maintain it. If Adolf Hitler never had the opportunity to brainwash human minds, there would never have been a Holocaust and those belonging to the Jewish religion would have kept their faiths. I am reading this as "Hitler caused Jewish people to give up their religion." Is this your message? Fear is a type of emotion that can evoke evil. When one is fearful of a situation, he or she will do whatever it takes to flee from their adversity. One will encounter many life changing experiences out of fear that will bring out the danger inside of them. In the novel, Native Son, the main character, Bigger, committed crimes because of his fear of being captured. Out of fear, he accidentally murdered a wealthy white woman. Because of her socioeconomic status, family history, and most of all, race, his fear of her parents catching him provoked him to burn her in a fiery furnace in order to get rid of the evidence. While committing these crimes, Bigger had a sense of superiority and desire to act how he pleased based on the fact that he did not get caught and most importantly because he, a poor black man in the south side of Chicago during the times of racism, riots, and discrimination, had murdered a rich white woman. Not getting caught linked him to continue to do as he wished. Finally, manipulation is brought out through intimidation. Once one sees that someone else is insubstantial, Your word choice seems significant here. Why did you choose it? he or she will immediately use manipulation to the best of their ability to gain that sense of control.

Freedom is the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint; the exemption from external control, interference, or regulation; the power to determine action without restraint (dictionary.reference.com).With freedom, there is happiness, strength, determination, and additional love. But freedom can also be dreadful. Ah! The answer to one of my questions from paragraph one! But, why "dreadful"? What makes it so? Freedom always one to do whatever they please and doing so relates back to the topic of adults raising their children with the use of control. Allowing a child freedom grants them the wish to hang out with whomever they want and in the end, releasing children and teens out into the real world without any discipline or necessary control, this type of freedom can lead to arrests, pregnancies, or even death at young ages. So, is this the "dread"? (A parent's fear of what might happen...) When one is free, free from adversity, free from restraint, a mind that was once filled with fear and grief becomes clear and worry-free. Of course, there will always be that little thought in one's mind, wondering if their God given right will remain. In April of 1945, the year that prisoners in death and concentration camps during the Holocaust were set free, many of them did not take advantage of their new found freedom. “We must ever be thankful [for our freedom]. We must NEVER take freedom for granted.” William Gast, 743rd Tank Battalion. Was William Gast a concentration camp survivor or liberator? As a result of the liberation of 1945, many of the prisoners were thankful for the way things turned out with Hitler's death and the end of the war and they knew that with their newly found freedom, their lives would instantly become invigorated and happy. How did they know this? Freedom gives people the strength to get ahead in life. As opposed to control, with freedom, one has the ability to do as they please in order to make a positive influence in their life. Each slave in the United States and around the world and each prisoner in every death and concentration camp had no say in what they wanted to make of themselves and their lives. Their fate rested in the hands of authority. With the liberation of camps and freeing of slaves, those prisoners and slaves had a new found glory in order to get ahead and make decisions of their own. Determination is also linked to strength as a result of the desire to finally be an individual who can work, communicate, and stand up for themselves. “The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage.” (Thucydides, ancient Greek historians) If it weren't for determination of slaves, blacks in the United States would not have equal rights. Did the slaves bring equal right to blacks? Did the end of slavery bring equal rights? Freedom which is linked to happiness that is linked to strength and determination is finally linked to additional love. It is not that prisoners and slaves did not have love, but being caged up for so long under the authority and finally being free, like a bird finally released from its cage, made them appreciate the people, places, and things all around them and also taught them to stay grounded and stay thankful for all that they had. Freedom is like a brand new spring day after a long Iowa winter. Nice simile. Once one hears the birds chirping and the warm wind blowing amongst their face, the mind clears up and happiness is brought about.

Control is the mother of all evil, superiority, manipulation, hate, and adversity. Through each of these factors, control ultimately oversees them all. Because of the fear of consequences, evil opportunities available, ability to have the upper hand over one and manipulation in order to gain that upper hand, control is the root of sorrow. Freedom is like a young teenager being able to drive for the first time. It is a sense of independence, being able to rely on oneself than on others. The ability to think for oneself and to act for oneself not only insures independence, but it concludes in a positive behavior towards themselves and others--also known as happiness. Good concluding definitions of "control" and "freedom".

Grace,

Your writing is well organized, detailed, and very complex, in terms of the ideas you are working with. Indeed, volumes of literature have been devoted to these subjects!

Your two main paragraphs are quite dense on information. How else might this text be organized? In other word, what could you do to make these "meaty" paragraphs easier for the reader to digest?

Freedom and Control: Your discussion of freedom remains quite consistent throughout the paper. Yet, control is discussed over a very broad spectrum - parental control, captivity, and total domination. And of the three, captivity seems to be your favored usage. Was this your intent?

Thanks for the intriguing and thought-provoking essay!

Bob

Final Comparison (posted RHS March 9 -- 171 March 11)
Throughout the world's history, control has been associated into the lives of many. Although control will have its benefits and negatives, control has been consistently looked at as atrocious, based on what comes to the mind when one hears the term. Freedom has also played a role in the world's history, especially how beneficially affects its people. During the Holocaust, millions of innocent lives were taken away due to the factors of control. Control is produced through superiority and manipulation. Along with the Holocaust, there was also slavery in the United States. The high demand for slaves shipped from Africa to Southern America meant a higher strain on the slaves and ultimately, additional physical and mental control. Once prisoners and slaves were set free in both 1945 and 1865, their new found freedom gave them a new lease on life. Freedom gave them the chance to explore the world and learn new things. Control gave them the chance to be afraid of any sudden movement made. Because of its effects, control leads to fear and freedom is linked to happiness and prosperity. I'm glad you used "linked to" rather than "ensures." It's a solid way of proving your point while allowing yourself some wiggle room in your argument.

Control is to exercise authoritative or dominating influence over or direct (thefreedictionary.com). Control can also be defined as to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command (dictionary.reference.com). Through superiority, opportunities, fear, and manipulation, control has its way of getting ahold of lives, whether it is one or over one million. Control can be viewed as something positive or negative. It is positive in a way of raising children and directing them in the right path for the future and negative in a way of using it to destroy others.

Superiority is having an upper hand over one. Superiority often originates or relates to many things, such as <-- Unnecessary age, appearance, title, or even socioeconomic status. Growing up, there is always that one bully in elementary school that is bigger and older than another person. That bully automatically believes that they can perform whatever action that they please to do because of age and appearance. A person with a high income and a white collar job will possibly look down on a person who is a minimum wage paid mechanic. These actions are nothing new. It originates from the mentality of today's society. In today's society, having money means having power. The idea of riches has taken its toll over the minds of billions of people, whether they are in the modern, technology advanced United States, or a rural country. Good job specifying your argument in this paragraph! By mentioning cities versus rural country, you have clearly specified your of who "money superiority" affects.

When one has the opportunity to take charge of something or someone, he or she will most likely abuse their power because of the desire to maintain it. If Adolf Hitler never had the opportunity to brainwash human minds, there would never have been a Holocaust and those belonging to the Jewish religion would have kept their faiths as well as millions of humans would still be alive today. Many vulnerable people followed and believed each word Hitler spoke, not due to the fact of it being true, but because they feared him and what he could do to them.

Fear is a type of emotion that can evoke evil. When one is fearful of a situation, he or she will do whatever it takes to flee from their adversity. One will encounter many life changing experiences out of fear that will bring out the danger inside of them. In the novel, Native Son, the main character, Bigger, committed crimes because of his fear of being captured. Out of fear, he accidentally murdered a wealthy white woman. Because of her socioeconomic status, family history, and most of all, race, his fear of her parents catching him provoked him to burn her in a fiery furnace in order to get rid of the evidence. While committing these crimes, Bigger had a sense of superiority and desire to act how he pleased based on the fact that he did not get caught and most importantly because he, a poor black man in the south side of Chicago during the times of racism, riots, and discrimination, had murdered a rich white woman. Not getting caught linked him to continue to do as he wished.

Manipulation is brought out through intimidation. Once one sees that someone else is fragile, he or she will immediately use manipulation to the best of their ability to gain that sense of control.

Freedom is the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint; the exemption from external control, interference, or regulation; the power to determine action without restraint (dictionary.reference.com).With freedom, there is happiness, strength, determination, and additional love.
But freedom can also be dreadful. Freedom allows one to do as they please, which relates to parents and their techniques of raising their children. Allowing a child freedom grants them the wish to hang out with whomever they want and in the end, releasing children and teens out into the real world without any discipline or necessary control, this type of freedom can lead to arrests, pregnancies, or even death at young ages.

When one is free, free from adversity, free from restraint, a mind that was once loaded with fear and grief converts to clear and worry-free. Of course, there will always be that little thought in one's mind, wondering if their God given right will remain. In April of 1945, the year that prisoners in death and concentration camps during the Holocaust were set free, many of them did not take advantage of their new found freedom. "We in the United States should be all the more thankful for the freedom and religious tolerance we enjoy. And we should always remember the lessons learned from the Holocaust, in hopes we stay vigilant against such inhumanity now and in the future" - Charlie Dent. As a result of the liberation of 1945, many of the prisoners were thankful for the way things turned out with Hitler's death and the end of the war and they knew that with their newly found freedom, their lives would instantly become invigorated and worth living for.

Freedom gives people the strength to get ahead in life. As opposed to control, with freedom, one has the ability to do as they please in order to make a positive influence in their life. Each slave in the United States and around the world and each prisoner in every death and concentration camp had no say in what they wanted to make of themselves and their lives. Their fate rested in the hands of authority. With the liberation of camps and freeing of slaves, those prisoners and slaves had a new found glory in order to get ahead and make decisions of their own.
Determination is also linked to strength as a result of the desire to finally be an individual who can work, communicate, and stand up for themselves. “The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage.” (Thucydides, ancient Greek historians) If it were not for the determination of slaves to become free and to accomplish positive goals, many of the civil rights movement leaders would not have to strength or the boldness to set the foundation for equal rights in the United States.

Freedom which is linked to happiness that is linked to strength and determination is finally linked to additional love. It is not that prisoners and slaves did not have love, but being caged up for so long under the authority and finally being free, like a bird finally released from its cage, made them appreciate the people, places, and things all around them and also taught them to stay grounded and stay thankful for all that they had.

Freedom is like a brand new spring day after a long Iowa winter. Once one hears the birds chirping and the warm wind blowing amongst their face, the mind clears up and happiness is brought about. Control is the mother of all evil, superiority, manipulation, hate, and adversity. Through each of these factors, control ultimately oversees them all. Because of the fear of consequences, evil opportunities available, ability to have the upper hand over one and manipulation in order to gain that upper hand, control is the root of sorrow. Freedom is like a young teenager being able to drive for the first time. It is a sense of independence, being able to rely on oneself than on others. The ability to think for oneself and to act for oneself not only insures independence, but it concludes in a positive behavior towards themselves and others--also known as happiness.

Grace,

It is so impressive to see where your work starts out in drafts, (which is already well-thought out,) to where it goes in your final draft. I can tell your writing is improving because the questions I have in my head when I'm reading become less and less with each draft. Thank you for working hard on your control vs freedom paper. I enjoy reading your writing and the balance you offer between evil and happiness.

Allison



Reflection #2 (RHS March 16 -- 171 March 25)
I feel like I have done such a good job with my writing and I have seen many improvements with it as well. I really liked the Topic of Inquiry Paper because it was a jump start to all of the papers we have done this semester. With my Definition Paper, I believe I struggled a lot more with incorporating evidence, such as quotes and sources that relate to the definition and I also struggled with explaining possible questions that might pop up in the reader's head. With help from my Drake partners for my Comparison Paper, it was much more successful because I wrote it with everything that I needed in order to prove my point. I first used the 'Block Structure' rather than the "Point-By-Point' and because I had so much information to provide for my audience, the block structure became very overwhelming. My Drake partners suggested to break up the huge chunks of paragraphs into simpler, straight-to-the-point paragraphs with that advice, I believe my paper became much more successful. I like the fact that my Drake partners comment on the questions that they have about any of my statements or the paper as a whole and I wish for that continue. Other than that, I really appreciate working together with my Drake partners and I will continue to take advantage of this opportunity.

I shall continue to make comments on individual statements and the paper as a whole. -Allison


Rough Draft Argument (posted RHS April 6 -- 171 April 8)
During the turn of the century, there were not many regulations on the items that could be produced or how those items could be produced. Henry Ford’s new ideas brought about the assembly line to the public, which created the necessities of life What are the necessities of life? more quickly and effectively. But it also made many items at risk for all sorts of things. Many citizens of the United States during this time period had outcries from contracting horrendous diseases from various foods. What diseases from what foods? There were many newspaper articles from muckraking journalists and even a novel entitled The Jungle Upton Sinclair wrote The Jungle, correct? Cite him. that discussed the horrors of what goes on in food factories behind closed doors. “Every spring they did it; and in the barrels would be dirt and rust and old nails and stale water—and cartload after cartload of it would be taken up and dumped into the hoppers with fresh meat, and sent out to the public’s breakfast” (The Jungle, Chapter 14). This quote is incredibly powerful. However, I find myself confused as to what the "it" is they did every spring. An extension of the quote would help ease my confusion.

In 1906, The Food and Drug Administration was finally created. According to www.fda.gov, the FDA was not known by its present name until 1930 What was it called before 1930?, when their modern regulatory functions began with the passage of the 1906 Pure Food and Drugs Act, a law a quarter-century in the making that prohibited interstate commerce in adulterated and misbranded food and drugs. Many citizens of the United States were pleased to know that what they were consuming was safe and they would not have to worry about a rat’s tail in their hamburger. How did they know they were safe? Maybe a quote about the origins of the FDA would be appropriate.

But nowadays, with the changing world all around us and the development of new technologies, Like what? What has changed in the world from 1906 to now? the Food and Drug Administration’s power to enforce regulations on foods and drugs is continually abused. For many decades, numerous food companies, with the approval from the FDA, are allowed to insert as many idiotic and unheard of ingredients into something as simple as a bag of tortilla chips. “Depending on what bag [chips] you get, you might find any combination of corn oil, soybean oil, cottonseed oil, and sunflower oil. Some of those will be partially hydrogenated, meaning they give the chip a longer shelf life and spike your heart with a little shot of trans fat. (The reason you won't see this on the nutrition label is that FDA guidelines allow food manufacturers to "round down" to zero.)" Why are they allowed to do that? You would think that with something so dangerous, the FDA would be more strict.

With no restrictions on what should be produced to human beings along with what goes into a person’s body, the Food and Drug Administration should not exist, especially when they allow food companies to do as they please with their products. Yes, without the Food and Drug Administration, citizens would be finding dirty needles in their soup and mice feet in their spaghetti, but still to this day, many of the ingredients used are linked to bladder tumors in rats and can cause cancer. “The Department of Health and Human Services says BHA [Butylated Hydroxyanisole] is “reasonably anticipated to be a human carcinogen," yet the FDA allows it to be used anyway. BHT [Butylated Hydroxytoluene] is considered less dangerous, but in animal research, it too has resulted in cancer. Oddly, the chemicals aren’t even always necessary; in most cases they can be replaced with vitamin E” (http://eat this.mens.health.com). BHA and BHT are found in common cereals, such as Golden Grahams, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and Orbit Gum. But I love Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Bummer. Why are they allowed to let such terrible things into our food?

Another ingredient, Saccharin, is found in Sweet & Low, a “zero-calorie sweetener.” Sounds pretty healthy, right? Read on. “Studies have linked saccharin to bladder tumors in rats, and in 1977, the FDA required warning labels on all saccharin-containing foods. In 2000, the agency changed its stance and allowed saccharin to be sold without warning labels. But that doesn't make it entirely safe. A 2008 Purdue study found that replacing sugar with saccharin in rats’ diets made them gain more weight, proving once again that you should be aware of these faux fat foes. Again, why does the FDA allow this? What does the FDA get out of letting trans-fats and saccharin be placed in the foods consumed by Americans? Do they gain money? Are they just an evil corporation bent on hurting humans? What's their agenda?

There is no point in even having an “administration” controlling the people of this nation when in reality, nothing is being controlled. Of course, some may believe that the Food and Drug Administration is beneficial to the lives of Americans and keeps everyone safe, but in reality, that is not the case. The Food and Drug Administration has failed this nation. If lives were really safe, no one, not one human being, would have to worry about having trans fat hidden in foods. No one would have to worry about eating something that has been linked to brain tumors in rodents, E. coli and salmonella, or recalled foods that are perceived as being healthy. The people of the United States of America were the ones who cried out in desperation for some sort of system that would protect the bodies and the lives of consumers. The Food and Drug Administration should listen to the people of this country and most importantly, keep this nation safe. If it is such a difficult task to accomplish, then the power of the Food and Drug Administration should be abolished, once and for all. So you would rather food and drugs were not regulated at all? Couldn't this add to the problem? I realize the FDA doesn't do the job it is supposed to do by letting our nation consume unhealthy ingredients, but should we try and come up with a better solution? Would you rather abolish the FDA and come up with a more secure branch to actually make our food safer to eat or would you rather just have nothing gauging our food.

This is a good start, Grace. This is a very important paper that I think everyone should read and become more aware of what we put in our bodies. Pay attention to the questions I asked, particularly the ones on a solution to the FDA problem I posted at the end. Thanks, Allison

EXTRA CREDIT

Revision Argument (posted RHS April 13 -- 171 April 15)
During the turn of the century, there were not many regulations on the items that could be produced or how those items could be produced. Henry Ford’s new ideas brought about the assembly line to the public, which created the necessities of life, such as cars, radios, and other everyday needs, more quickly and effectively. But it also made many items at risk for all sorts of things. This is a vague statement. Is there a way to incorporate what items were at risk and why into the sentence without giving away your paper? Many citizens of the United States during this time period had outcries from contracting horrendous diseases from various foods. What diseases? What made them horrendous? There were many newspaper articles from muckraking journalists and even a novel entitled The Jungle by Upton Sinclair that discussed the horrors of what goes on in food factories behind closed doors. “This is no fairy story and no joke; the meat would be shoveled into carts, and the man who did the shoveling would not trouble to lift out a rat even when he saw one-- there were things that went into the sausage in comparison with which a poisoned rat was a tidbit. There was no place for the men to wash their hands before they ate their dinner, and so they made a practice of washing them in the water that was to be ladled into the sausage. There were the butt-ends of smoked meat, and the scraps of corned beef, and all the odds and ends of the waste of the plants, that would be dumped into old barrels in the cellar and left there. Under the system of rigid economy which the packers enforced, there were some jobs that it only paid to do once in a long time, and among these was the cleaning out of the waste barrels. Every spring they did it; and in the barrels would be dirt and rust and old nails and stale water—and cartload after cartload of it would be taken up and dumped into the hoppers with fresh meat, and sent out to the public’s breakfast” (The Jungle, Chapter 14). This quote packs such a punch! I'm glad you decided to expand it. It really tells the story for you and draws your reader in.

In 1906, The Food and Drug Administration was finally created. According to www.fda.gov, the FDA was not known by its present name until 1930, when their modern regulatory functions began with the passage of the 1906 Pure Food and Drugs Act, a law a quarter-century in the making that prohibited interstate commerce in adulterated and misbranded food and drugs. Many citizens of the United States were pleased to know that what they were consuming was safe and they would not have to worry about a rat’s tail in their hamburger. “One of the oldest U.S. consumer protection agencies, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) protects the public from unsafe foods, drugs, medical devices, cosmetics, and other potential hazards. To ensure compliance with its regulations, the FDA employs over 1,000 investigators and inspectors who visit over 15,000 food-processing, drug-manufacturing, and other facilities each year. If it finds violations of law, the FDA first encourages an offending company to voluntarily correct the problem or to recall a faulty product from the market” (encyclopedia.com). A very important paragraph. I like this because it show the FDA used to do its job correctly and efficiently.

But nowadays, with the changing world all around us, the development of new technologies, and a higher demand of foods that will last longer, How has the world changed? What new technologies have been developed? Why do we want out food to last longer? the Food and Drug Administration’s power to enforce regulations on foods and drugs is continually abused. For many decades, numerous food companies, with the approval from the FDA, are allowed to insert as many idiotic and unheard of how are they idiotic? Is that your opinion or are the genuinely stupid ingredients? No one has heard of them? ingredients into something as simple as a bag of tortilla chips. According to ehow.com, Trans fatty acids are hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated oils. They are found in shortening, margarine, crackers, cookies, snack foods and other foods made with partially hydrogenated oils. Unlike saturated fats, trans fats do not form naturally in foods, nor do they occur naturally in our bodies. Trans fats are formed during food processing when oils are made into solid fats to add flavor and prolong the shelf life of processed foods. “Depending on what bag [chips] you get, you might find any combination of corn oil, soybean oil, cottonseed oil, and sunflower oil. Some of those will be partially hydrogenated, meaning they give the chip a longer shelf life and spike your heart with a little shot of trans fat. What do you mean by "spike your heart?" I'm picturing a literal shot to my chest that makes my heart pump faster. What does this spike do? (The reason you won't see this on the nutrition label is that FDA guidelines allow food manufacturers to "round down" to zero.)” With an ingredient that does much more harm than any good to the body, people will begin to wonder why the Food and Drug Administration will allow such things to happen. “Currently, the FDA estimates that Americans consume an average 5.8 grams of trans fats per day. Barbara Schneeman, director of the Office of Nutritional Products, Labeling and Dietary Supplements for the FDA said the reason the FDA is allowing foods under 0.5 grams of trans fats to be rounded down to zero is that current detection methods for trans fats aren't very reliable below 0.5 grams”(www.prevention.com).

With no restrictions on what should be produced to human beings along with what goes into a person’s body, the Food and Drug Administration should not exist, especially when they allow food companies to do as they please with their products. Yes, without the Food and Drug Administration, citizens would be finding dirty needles in their soup and mice feet in their spaghetti, but still to this day, many of the ingredients used are linked to bladder tumors in rats and can cause cancer. This argument to me sounds like "With the FDA we are getting cancer, but without it we would be getting cancer and eating mice feet/dirty needles." I'm not convinced that the FDA should not exist just yet. I'd rather just have cancer than have cancer and eat used needles. The Department of Health and Human Services says BHA [Butylated Hydroxyanisole] is “reasonably anticipated to be a human carcinogen," yet the FDA allows it to be used anyway. BHT [Butylated Hydroxytoluene] is considered less dangerous, but in animal research, it too has resulted in cancer. Oddly, the chemicals aren’t even always necessary; in most cases they can be replaced with vitamin E” (http://eat this.mens.health.com). BHA and BHT are found in common cereals, such as Golden Grahams, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and Orbit Gum.

Another ingredient, Saccharin, is found in Sweet & Low, a “zero-calorie sweetener.” Sounds pretty healthy, right? Read on. “Studies have linked saccharin to bladder tumors in rats, and in 1977, the FDA required warning labels on all saccharin-containing foods. In 2000, the agency changed its stance and allowed saccharin to be sold without warning labels. But that doesn't make it entirely safe. A 2008 Purdue study found that replacing sugar with saccharin in rats’ diets made them gain more weight, proving once again that you should be aware of these faux fat foes." In an article from positivearticles.com, the author, Charles Carter, explains that “trans fats allow for a longer shelf life and stabilizes the flavor of the product. Trans fats are also cheaper than other fats, like butter or lard, so many food manufacturers prefer to use it. About 40% of the food on grocery store shelves contain trans-fat. Health officials in New York City estimate that 30% of the restaurants use trans-fats or fry food in them.” It is all out of money. Food companies are not allowed to produce anything without the FDA’s approval. If the FDA knows that trans fats are still used in foods, then in conclusion, using such harmful ingredients is just another way for them to fill up their wallets. This last section is confusing to me. It sounds like you're trying to say that the FDA only lets the food industry allow harmful ingredients because it gives them money? I'm not sure how though, so please clarify. Why does the FDA allow such harmful ingredients. If it is indeed because they get more money, then how?

There is no point in even having an “administration” controlling the people of this nation when in reality, nothing is being controlled. But you said earlier that the FDA at least stops bad things like needles and mice products showing up in our food. Isn't then some sort of control? Of course, some may believe that the Food and Drug Administration is beneficial to the lives of Americans and keeps everyone safe, but in reality, that is not the case. “You may not realize the number of products you use in a given day that are regulated by the FDA. The label on the juice you drink for breakfast, the cosmetics you apply before work, the array of dietary supplements you take before dashing out the door, the food you feed your pets, the aspirin you take after a long day, and the contact lenses you place on your eyes are all regulated by this Rockville, Maryland-based agency. Because of the FDA, Americans largely can take for granted that these products are safe” (http://www.emedicinehealth.com/fda_overview/article_em.htm). Safe? Yes. But full of unsafe things? For sure.

The Food and Drug Administration has failed this nation. If lives were really safe, no one, not one human being, would have to worry about having trans fat hidden in foods. No one would have to worry about eating something that has been linked to brain tumors in rodents, E. coli and salmonella, or recalled foods that are perceived as being healthy. The people of the United States of America were the ones who cried out in desperation for some sort of system that would protect the bodies and the lives of consumers. The Food and Drug Administration should listen to the people of this country and most importantly, keep this nation safe. If it is such a difficult task to accomplish, then the power of the Food and Drug Administration should be abolished, once and for all and replaced with an organization that listens to the people of this nation and does things correctly and effectively. It’s not about the Food and Drug Administration's concept of food safety being abolished, but it is about it either doing what is right, or getting removed immediately and replaced with a reliable company. This nation needs a new organization that will not be hesitant to state what is exactly in a product. With this new organization, this nation will be moved forward, will be absolutely safe, and most of all, create and maintain healthy lifestyles. Beautiful! What would this organization be called? How would it be different from the FDA? Go into more detail on this utopian organization. What do we need to do as Americans to abolish the FDA and help make our food safe?


Final Argument (posted RHS April 20 -- 171 April 23)
During the turn of the century, there were not many regulations on the items that could be produced or how those items could be produced. Henry Ford’s new ideas brought about the assembly line to the public, which created the necessities of life, such as cars, radios, and other everyday needs, more quickly and effectively. Unfortunately, many citizens of the United States during this time period had outcries from contracting horrendous foodborne illnesses from various foods. There were many newspaper articles from muckraking journalists What newspapers? What journalists? What makes them "muckracking?" and even a novel entitled The Jungle by Upton Sinclair that discussed the horrors of what goes on in food factories behind closed doors. “This is no fairy story and no joke; the meat would be shoveled into carts, and the man who did the shoveling would not trouble to lift out a rat even when he saw one-- there were things that went into the sausage in comparison with which a poisoned rat was a tidbit. There was no place for the men to wash their hands before they ate their dinner, and so they made a practice of washing them in the water that was to be ladled into the sausage. There were the butt-ends of smoked meat, and the scraps of corned beef, and all the odds and ends of the waste of the plants, that would be dumped into old barrels in the cellar and left there. Under the system of rigid economy which the packers enforced, there were some jobs that it only paid to do once in a long time, and among these was the cleaning out of the waste barrels. Every spring they did it; and in the barrels would be dirt and rust and old nails and stale water—and cartload after cartload of it would be taken up and dumped into the hoppers with fresh meat, and sent out to the public’s breakfast” (The Jungle, Chapter 14).

In 1906, The Food and Drug Administration was finally created. According to www.fda.gov, the FDA was not known by its present name until 1930, when their modern regulatory functions began with the passage of the 1906 Pure Food and Drugs Act, a law and quarter-century in the making that prohibited interstate commerce in adulterated and misbranded food and drugs. Many citizens of the United States were pleased to know that what they were consuming was safe and they would not have to worry about a rat’s tail in their hamburger. “One of the oldest U.S. consumer protection agencies, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) protects the public from unsafe foods, drugs, medical devices, cosmetics, and other potential hazards. To ensure compliance with its regulations, the FDA employs over 1,000 investigators and inspectors who visit over 15,000 food-processing, drug-manufacturing, and other facilities each year. If it finds violations of law, the FDA first encourages an offending company to voluntarily correct the problem or to recall a faulty product from the market” (encyclopedia.com).

I like the transition from what the FDA is supposed to be doing, but currently isn't. Nicely done. But nowadays, the world is changing all around us with the development of new technologies and new approaches to different lifestyles, especially in the ‘Roaring 20s’ and the 60s. There was also a higher demand of foods that will last longer because it was not worth it to buy food for a household and not be able to finish it before it goes bad. The Food and Drug Administration’s power to enforce regulations on foods and drugs is continually abused. For many decades, numerous food companies, with the approval from the FDA, are allowed to insert as many unheard of ingredients into something as simple as a bag of tortilla chips, just to make it last for several months. Ever heard of Thiamin Mononitrate, Riboflavin, or Maltodextrin? Three of those ingredients out of many more can be conveniently found in a box of crackers. Sounds pretty tasty. Trans fatty acids, or partially hydrogenated oils were then brought about in order to keep foods lasting longer. According to ehow.com, Trans fatty acids are hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated oils. They are found in shortening, margarine, crackers, cookies, snack foods and other foods made with partially hydrogenated oils. Unlike saturated fats, trans fats do not form naturally in foods, nor do they occur naturally in our bodies. Trans fats are formed during food processing when oils are made into solid fats to add flavor and prolong the shelf life of processed foods. David Zinczenko, a publisher of multiple health magazines quotes, “Depending on what bag [chips] you get, you might find any combination of corn oil, soybean oil, cottonseed oil, and sunflower oil. Some of those will be partially hydrogenated, meaning they give the chip a longer shelf life and spike your heart with a little shot of trans fat. (The reason you won't see this on the nutrition label is that FDA guidelines allow food manufacturers to "round down" to zero.)” By “spike your heart with a little shot of trans fat,” Zinczenko means that intakes of Trans fatty acids will increase risks of chronic diseases, heart disease, some cancers, or high blood pressure. Thanks for clarifying! 'Spike your heart' makes sense now. With an ingredient that does much more harm than any good to the body, people will begin to wonder why the Food and Drug Administration will allow such things to happen. “Currently, the FDA estimates that Americans consume an average 5.8 grams of trans fats per day. Barbara Schneeman, director of the Office of Nutritional Products, Labeling and Dietary Supplements for the FDA said the reason the FDA is allowing foods under 0.5 grams of trans fats to be rounded down to zero is that current detection methods for trans fats aren't very reliable below 0.5 grams”(www.prevention.com).

With no restrictions on what should be produced to human beings along with what goes into a person’s body, the Food and Drug Administration should not exist, especially when they allow food companies to do as they please with their products. Yes, the Food and Drug Administration should be demolished, but without it, the United States would be living in the 1900s again with no restrictions on food and drugs. The Food and Drug Administration should exist, only if they do what is right and all the things that will save lives. Just for clarification, in this paragraph you are saying that the FDA needs to be demolished, but something else needs to take its place and do the job correctly? Am I correct in thinking that? Research explains that many of the ingredients used in foods are linked to bladder tumors in rats and can cause cancer. “The Department of Health and Human Services says BHA [Butylated Hydroxyanisole] is “reasonably anticipated to be a human carcinogen," yet the FDA allows it to be used anyway. BHT [Butylated Hydroxytoluene] is considered less dangerous, but in animal research, it too has resulted in cancer. Oddly, the chemicals aren’t even always necessary; in most cases they can be replaced with vitamin E” (http://eat this.mens.health.com). BHA and BHT are found in common cereals, such as Golden Grahams, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and Orbit Gum.

Another ingredient, Saccharin, is found in Sweet & Low, a “zero-calorie sweetener.” Sounds pretty healthy, right? Read on. “Studies have linked saccharin to bladder tumors in rats, and in 1977, the FDA required warning labels on all saccharin-containing foods. In 2000, the agency changed its stance and allowed saccharin to be sold without warning labels. But that doesn't make it entirely safe. A 2008 Purdue study found that replacing sugar with saccharin in rats’ diets made them gain more weight, proving once again that you should be aware of these faux fat foes.” In an article from positive articles.com, the author, Charles Carter, explains that “trans fats allow for a longer shelf life and stabilizes the flavor of the product. Trans fats are also cheaper than other fats, like butter or lard, so many food manufacturers prefer to use it. About 40% of the food on grocery store shelves contain trans-fat. Health officials in New York City estimate that 30% of the restaurants use trans-fats or fry food in them.” It is all out of money. Food companies are not allowed to produce anything without the FDA’s approval. If the FDA knows that trans fats are still used in foods, then in conclusion, using such harmful ingredients is just another way for them to save their money. Man. That's a bummer.

There is no point in even having an “administration” controlling the people of this nation when in reality, the use of dangerous ingredients remain in multiple foods. Of course, some may believe that the Food and Drug Administration is beneficial to the lives of Americans and keeps everyone safe, but in reality, that is not the case. “You may not realize the number of products you use in a given day that are regulated by the FDA. The label on the juice you drink for breakfast, the cosmetics you apply before work, the array of dietary supplements you take before dashing out the door, the food you feed your pets, the aspirin you take after a long day, and the contact lenses you place on your eyes are all regulated by this Rockville, Maryland-based agency. Because of the FDA, Americans largely can take for granted that these products are safe” (http://www.emedicinehealth.com/fda_overview/article_em.htm). This paragraph really drives your point home. Even though we think the FDA protects us, they actually hurt us more by allowing so many chemicals! Gross.

The Food and Drug Administration has failed this nation. If lives were really safe, no one, not one human being, would have to worry about having trans fat hidden in foods. No one would have to worry about eating something that has been linked to brain tumors in rodents, E. coli and salmonella, or recalled foods that are perceived as being healthy. The people of the United States of America were the ones who cried out in desperation for some sort of system that would protect the bodies and the lives of consumers. The Food and Drug Administration should listen to the people of this country and most importantly, keep this nation safe. If it is such a difficult task to accomplish, then the power of the Food and Drug Administration should be abolished, once and for all and replaced with an organization that listens to the people of this nation and does things correctly. It’s not about the Food and Drug Administration being abolished, but it is about it either doing what is right, or getting removed immediately and replaced with a reliable company. This nation needs a new organization that will not be hesitant to state what is exactly in a product. It would be called “For the People Administration,” or the FPA. I like it! It would be the people of the United States who make logical decisions on what goes into products and the people of the administration would ensure the safety of food items and other things in the future like animal food and products, cosmetics, drugs, household supplies, and more. This ‘FPA’ would also make sure all products being handled safely, inspected, and produced to the public. These products would be free of hormones, unhealthy fats, 18-syllable ingredients, and anything else that does not or should not belong in food. The ‘FPA’ will ensure that all products are wholesome, all-natural, low-fat, low-calorie, and high in nutrients. There will be a wide variety of foods and beverages, including free-range poultry and organic dairy products to even healthy salty and sweet snacks. Of course, there will still have to be the foods that exist today so that there would be a variety for those who are health conscious, and those who do not care. Existing products may have substitutions of healthier ingredients, especially if the proposal is by the people. If not agreed on, then the production of these healthier foods by the ‘FPA’ will remain the same. People need to realize what they are consuming and if it is safe. People need to be informed that no food, no matter how healthy it is, is innocent anymore. A simple salad could easily have over 1,000 calories, half a day’s worth of one’s daily intake. This is why the people of the United States of America needs to stand up and fight for what is right. If it takes petitions, phone calls, organizations, or protests to get things done the right way, then it has to happen and it has to happen soon. With this new organization, this nation will be moved forward, will be absolutely safe, and most of all, create and maintain healthy lifestyles, not only for today, but for future generations. I'm so glad you added this paragraph! I like that you provided an alternative to the FDA, backed it up with what this new organization would accomplish, and what we as citizens can do to promote the end of the FDA. Awesome ending.

Grace, again, well done with your final draft. You took my comments and questions seriously and made your paper so much more clear and direct with what you want to do with the FDA. Thanks for letting me read it!

Reflection #3 (posted RHS April 23)
I think that the Argument paper was the most difficult to start out with because I wasn't really sure which direction I wanted to go. Although it was the hardest to start, it became one of my favorites to write as I went along because I am arguing over something that bothers me and something that has been bothering me for a pretty long time. It's always more fun to write about something you're passionate about. Sometimes, I feel that my papers are too long, but I then realize that the length of a paper does not matter--it is about the contents, organization, and all that other stuff that goes into a well written text. YES!! I think that the Topic of Inquiry paper was the foundation to the Definition, Comparison, and Argument papers and without it, I would definitely be confused about where to start and how to finish with my other papers. The purpose of the Argument paper was to simply find an issue that you strongly agree or disagree with and convince your intended audience of where you stand on the issue. My intended audience was towards everyone because everyone eats (or at least should eat) and so everyone must know what they are eating. The exigence of this past essay was to let people know that if they do not watch what they are eating, they could easily be at risk for all sorts of diseases. My writing draws attention to the key aspects of my message because of how simple and forthright it was. My tone was argumentative, conversational, and bold. The argumentative part comes from my personality when I against a huge issue. I also like to be conversational in my writing and definitely bold when I want to prove a point.